"Life is Like a Painted Dream"

Today is the 2-year anniversary of my wife's first stroke (which was followed by a second stroke and brain surgery in less than two weeks).  In lieu of a hymn, I offer these words of wisdom from Octavius Winslow, which were a great encouragement to me at a time when things looked rather bleak.

Life is Like a Painted Dream

"For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death." Psalm 48:14

The world passes away. Everything here in this present world is changing.

"Life is like a painted dream;
Like the rapid summer stream;
Like the fleeting meteor's ray;
Like the shortest winter's day;
Like the fitful breeze that sighs;
Like the waning flame that dies;
Darting, dazzling on the eye;
Fading in eternity."

A rope of sand, a spider's web, a silken thread, a passing shadow, an ebbing wave, are the most fitting and expressive emblems of all things belonging to this present earthly state. The homes that sheltered us in childhood we leave. The land which gave us birth we leave. The loved ones who encircled our hearths pass away. The friends of early years depart. And the world that was so sunny, and life that was so sweet, is all beclouded and embittered—the whole scenery of existence changed into wintry gloom. Such are the saddening, depressing effects of life's vicissitudes.

But in the midst of all, "this God is our God for ever and ever!" All beings change but God. All things change but heaven. The evolutions of time revolve, the events of earth go onward, but He upon whom all things hang, and by whom all events are shaped and controlled, moves not. "For I am the Lord, I change not." Our affairs may alter. Our circumstances may change. Our relations and friends may depart one by one. Our souls in a single day pass through many fluctuations of spiritual feeling. But He who chose us to be His own, and who has kept us to the present moment, is our covenant God and Father forever and ever, and will never throw us off and cast us away. "For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death."

--Christ's Sympathy to Weary Pilgrims

"Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church..."

Dr. Robertson McQuilkin was the president of Columbia Bible College (now Columbia International University) from 1968 – 1990. His wife having been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease a few years prior to the end of his tenure, Dr. McQuilkin reached a point where it became clear that he could no longer serve as president and also care for his wife personally.

In a 2004 article titled, “Living by Vows,” (published in Christianity Today), Dr. McQuilkin recounted how a number of close friends and colleagues, whom he respected deeply, encouraged him to consider institutionalizing his wife for the sake of his career :

So began years of struggle with the question of what should be sacrificed: ministry or caring for Muriel. Should I put the kingdom of God first, "hate" my wife and, for the sake of Christ and the kingdom, arrange for institutionalization? Trusted, lifelong friends—wise and godly—urged me to do this.

"Muriel would become accustomed to the new environment quickly." Would she? Would anyone love her at all, let alone love her as I do? I had often seen the empty, listless faces of those lined up in wheelchairs along the corridors of such places, waiting, waiting for the fleeting visit of some loved one. In such an environment, Muriel would be tamed only with drugs or bodily restraints, of that I was confident.

[…]

When the time came, the decision was firm. It took no great calculation. It was a matter of integrity. Had I not promised, 42 years before, "in sickness and in health . . . till death do us part"?

This was no grim duty to which I stoically resigned, however. It was only fair. She had, after all, cared for me for almost four decades with marvelous devotion; now it was my turn. And such a partner she was! If I took care of her for 40 years, I would never be out of her debt.

[…]

I have been startled by the response to the announcement of my resignation. Husbands and wives renew marriage vows, pastors tell the story to their congregations. It was a mystery to me, until a distinguished oncologist, who lives constantly with dying people, told me, "Almost all women stand by their men; very few men stand by their women." Perhaps people sensed this contemporary tragedy and somehow were helped by a simple choice I considered the only option. (emphasis added)

And so, in 1990, Dr. McQuilkin -- renowned author, speaker, and former missionary -- announced his resignation to the faculty and students of Columbia Bible College. He spent the next 13 years honoring and fulfilling his vows to his wife. A short segment of that speech survives in audio form.

Last fall, Focus on the Family aired an episode titled Love in the Midst of Alzheimer’s featuring a recorded talk of Dr. McQuilkin telling his story.